It's New Year – Why Bring it with You?
Have you noticed how hard it is to change? Especially at the beginning of a New Year. After all the emotional turbulence of Christmas, happy or not, plus the realisation of last years resolutions not accompanying you thus far.....
We are conditioned by our past, that is the real reason we find it so hard to change! I come with a country background and we knew that once the fox got into the chicken house, he would come back and kill again and again, until he was killed.
Habits are like that, you have to kill them, otherwise they will kill you, rob you of your spontaneity, your joy and your happiness. Most people do not realise how their creativity was taken away from them or why they do not have it any more. Look around you and see how many other people lack that creativity, that joyous urge to celebrate life. Shocking is it not? People are prisoners of their habits.
Worse still are the hidden habits. They reside in you and taper your view of life, they narrow it down to something “safe and feeble.” These hidden habits are borne by us and for the most part we are unaware of their power over our lives. They strip our view of life and reduce it to something small that we can safely manage, a no-risk life, safe and empty, contempt for ourselves and others, we are frightened for our children – that they may grow to be like us.
These hidden habits are they ones we are conditioned to by our environment of carers and caretakers. Don't do this. Don't do that. We are often frightened into behaving, for the wrong reasons. Fear as powerful as it is, is a meaningless function when delivered in this fashion, we learn nothing of value and take on-board the fear projections of our carers. We accept and agree. It becomes a habit!
Any simple fear based projection from our elders or carers repeated often sets a pattern in our brain. It is information stored, put in place to guide us, it keeps us safe, the first step to robbing of us of our opportunity to learn. We become fearful, unknown to ourselves. As we progress in life other factors impact us, some will concentrate our fear response.
At some time in our life, as a result of some fearful event, we deviate from our potential, our true life path potential, as result of our hidden habits. Once we embark on that path, it becomes self-enforcing, it feels safe and maybe even comfortable! We avoid the hard stuff in life, we are taking the easy way out. We may not even be conscious of what we are doing.
We have problems with school work, with our employers, our companions and our relationships. Life is not easy! Or so we have come to believe. We are now acting like a poorly maintained car;
with bad tyres, we have poor traction in life – we do not believe in ourselves.
poor lights, fearful to look ahead - we do not know where we are going,
the handbrake is on, afraid going forward – the road is all uphill,
the roof leaks, emotions wash over us – we have no core, no focus, we wither.
I have a friend who was a very good actor but, he was afraid of success. Selected after many auditions, he worked hard and deserved it. That was when the trouble started. While filming, anything he could do wrong he did, again and again. Many auditions, selected again and again, afraid to make that final step, he now runs a bar and is not happy but accepting. Preferring to live in his smaller world.
A client, all her life only felt comfortable in trousers, she did get married in a dress! Not a big deal but was a deal-breaker for certain things in her life. Her hidden habit was not to be seen as a girl or a woman. She was intelligent and a good-looking woman. We discovered she was molested as a 7-year old. She was 43-years old when she wanted to be free, she carried it for 36 years! Who knows what opportunities she missed in her life during that period because she was busy hiding herself? A single frightening occurrence and it dictated how she should live her life!
A client, worked in the banking sector. Well thought of by his employer, good assessment each year but never seemed to be able progress into management. He grew up in a house where the father ruled with a rod of iron and an iron fist too! He had a problem with confrontation. He never stood his ground, always caved-in. Always held back. He was conditioned to go so far and no further. When he learned to trust himself, to throw off his juvenile blinkers, he was able to move on into his life.
Life is a series of simple steps, each one moves us forward, there is no going back. We carry with us the pains and burdens of our journey through life. Sometimes the burden is so heavy we become aware of it, often not till then. When it becomes that heavy, our life is affected in some central way. We have stopped progressing, in our job, our relationships, in our life. Stagnation.
Our life starts to splinter around us, may be not all of it but the most sacred part. It could be our work or our relationship, whatever we hold most dear. If we are able to look and see where we are, we begin to realise that something has to change. If we are brave and courageous enough, we move forward in some way to leave the stagnation behind. It might not be the correct or the best direction but at least we are moving!
Others can and do stand still, frozen in fear of the surrounding splintering sounds. This is when we are at out most vulnerable, we reach for escape. Rather than face our situation we reach for outside solutions that enable us to become bigger liabilities to ourselves, our co-workers, in our relationships, in our life. The lifeline, maybe alcohol, drugs or the warm embrace of another troubled soul.
Before you get this far and start to create havoc in your life and soul, break free. The road gets wilder and wider and goes downhill from here.
Most of us are unknowing victims of our hidden habits. Such is life. These hidden habits for the most of us, are small things that do not often get in our way.
When you find you are entering the whirlpool of stagnation, caught in the grip of you know not, call out for help. Life is too important to waste in stagnation, even for you.
All it takes is a little courage, everyone has that. Take a little time and care for yourself. Take time to see the road ahead, for you and yours. Most of us today are so busy, we take no time and have no time even for ourselves to pause and reflect, to take a walk in nature, to ask why am I like this? Why is this happening to me? When will I be free of this?
Our parents, carers and caretakers created our rules to survive in their view of the world. Why, because they loved us! Simple. We take up where they leave off and outside of the fact that we have our own course/karma for our life, we act out theirs. Does not work, a bit like taking a holiday for someone else. Imagine, yes imagine and think about it, doing all the things the other person would ordinarily like to do, wear their clothes, listen to their music, read their books, like all their friends. Hell? yes it could be that.
Remember, every “bad habit” you are aware of is underwritten by a steam of hidden habits that have moulded you into who you are now. Break free and change your life. Change your life and you change the world, really make it a NEW year, not the old “same old”, please.
“As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as in being able to remake ourselves.” - Mahatma Gandhi
copyright © 2012 – daniel nagle
Daniel works in the area of energy psychology/psychotherapy. It is a developing field in which gifted individuals can help their clients cross out of their old way of life and engage who they were meant to be. It allows clients to enter fully into their true potential, the barriers are gone. Creativity and harmony in living, are the touch-points in his clients lives. Daniel works principally in the US and Europe. His website is www.4allthatmatters.com.
Email for an appointment to [email protected]
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