Whether you were left by someone, or whether you were the one who walked away, the ending of a relationship is usually a heartbreaking experience for both people. Even relationships that are ended by mutual agreement can still leave a person feeling lost and incomplete somehow.
Feelings of failure, being unlovable, of not knowing who you are without your partner, as well as many other painful emotions can make it hard to carry on.
If you’ve just come out of a relationship you might feel like you will ever be the same again. By this people usually mean that they will never feel good again, or will never feel whole again. The truth is, you won’t ever be the same, but that is not a bad thing. The emptiness you are feeling, although it hurts right now, is the space in which new insights and inspiration can grow.
Also, although it probably feels like your partner has taken away a part of you that you won’t ever get back; you have also gained something from that relationship that you would never have found had you not met that person.
Your Journey is Not Over
As in all areas of life, when something ends or dies this makes way for something new to grow in its place. All endings are really beginnings in disguise. When winter comes and the trees are all bare, we know that spring will soon be on its way and our world will once again be full of blooming colour and growth. We know that ‘death’ in nature gives way to renewed life. The same goes for us and our experiences. Friends and lovers may come and go, but we are still here and the next step on our journey is about to be taken. So where do you think this new beginning may lead you?
It’s really up to you. This is the time for you to listen to your heart and start to follow it. With many break-ups, there is a lead up to it, and this can often involve a lot of arguing and conflict, sometimes feelings of unwanted compromise, unhappiness, and we can often feel alone some time before the relationship actually ends. But now your heart is in the driving seat and it can take you to wherever you wish to go.
Every Feeling is a Teacher
Of course no one wants to feel heartbroken. No one would actively choose that pain. But while it’s here, it’s helpful to listen to it. It will hold lessons for you, and those lessons won’t go away unless you’ve heard them. The saying ‘what you resist, persists’ is true and the longer you try to push away or bury your true emotions, the longer it will take you to let them go and find peace. Many people will feel that they want to numb the pain, but this can lead to a slippery slope and you don’t want your family or friends to have to look up resources for drug addicts or local AA meetings in the future.
Try to find the balance between listening and accepting your feelings so that you can let them go, and letting yourself sink into them. Knowing the difference between the two is vital.
Remember you have learned many things from this relationship and this is going to help you to learn more about yourself and to grow. This will bring about a better understanding of what you want in a relationship.
A Time for Self Love
It’s important to take care of yourself during this time of change. Separating from a partner can entail all kinds of upheavals: you may need to move out and find a new home, you may have to let go of mutual friends if they end up ‘taking sides’, you may even have children and that can cause a terrible amount of pain for all involved. So with all of these things going on around you, you must make sure you take the time to give yourself loving attention.
Staying centred and grounded will help you cope with the uncertainty. Know that you’re safe, even when it hurts, even when things seem so dark you can’t possibly imagine a light at the end of the tunnel, let alone see one, know that on a soul level you are cared for and far from being alone.
Forgiveness is vital at this time, for both yourself and your partner. Of course, true forgiveness has to come in its own time and cannot be forced.
Sometimes we just can’t let go of the hurt we feel. Be open to forgiveness and welcome it in when the time is right. It is a miraculous healer, not only for you but for everyone around you too as it ripples out through us. Love and forgiveness will ultimately path the way out of this temporary darkness.
If you would like help on dealing with the breakup of a relationship contact me, Cherokee Billie, for one on one personal guidance.
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